Checking In
03/19/2023
Hey everyone! Just thought I'd give an update on what's been going on with me the last few months.
Life has been sort of a weird whirlwind for me since my last blog. I got a temp position as a receptionist for a local dog groomer, filling in for the receptionist that went on maternity leave. For the first time ever in my life, I love my job. It's coming to an end here in a few weeks in April, but the few months I've spent working there have been such a blessing. I've befriended each and every person I work with... Including those that I rarely see due to schedule differences. We have after work parties. We bring each other coffees and snacks and food... We really, truly care about each other.
My boss, the owner of the grooming salon, is easily one of the kindest people I've ever met. She has been extremely understanding and accommodating of my health and mental health issues, and over the entire time of my employment there, I have never once been made to feel guilty or shamed for being human and needing those accommodations.
I will be extremely sad to leave when the time comes, but I also have learned a valuable lesson in that, even if the people at your job make the job worth while, if your passion isn't in the job itself, then your heart will still yearn to do something else. I often times find myself at work bored, or feeling complacent... Enjoying the company of my coworkers, but not exactly enjoying the work.
And for that reason, I've decided I'm going to try to find something that I enjoy doing. In fact, I am going to try to go to school next.
As for my mental health problems, I finally had a break through and got some real help.
I can't remember if I said in my last blogs, but at some point last year, I got a second opinion, and turns out I do have ADHD like I thought. I've been seeing a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD treatment, and found antidepressants that actually help me. I'm no longer feeling suicidal. My anxiety is WAY less than it ever has been. And while I'm opting not to try stimulant medications due to it potentially interfering with some of my other health issues, just the antidepressants have helped with the brain fog. I still have a hard time focusing on things sometimes, but it doesn't feel nearly as bad as it used to.
All that being said, since then, some things happened and my husband lost his job, so we lost our health insurance. I'm no longer under the care of that psychiatrist, but I am still taking the medicine, which has really improved so many areas of my life, including the creative side of my brain.
Before, the depression and anxiety would take over my thought process completely. It was almost as if anything fun or creative was being wrapped up in a big blanket, and not allowed to see the light of day, and no matter how hard I tried to unwrap them, the depression and anxiety always won. Now that I'm on the medicine, the ideas come, and they never stop. I find myself constantly writing notes in my phone as ideas to explore for later... Some of which, I will probably never get to. But that's okay, because as with most ideas, not all of them are good.
I have been working on the Skyrim stuff, albeit, not the homes I started before.
As I said in a previous blog, when I moved computers, I ended up losing the entirety of the Falkreath Expansion mod. Every time I go to restart it, I feel like I lose motivation and I'm terribly saddened by it. Maybe one day, I'll get over it long enough to restart. But for now, I'm still grieving the loss of the countless hours I had poured into it. The same goes for my Dawnstar house. I didn't lose ALL of the work for that, but I lost enough to get the same feelings.
For now, I'm going to try to keep focused on writing for that follower mod I had mentioned before. So far, the back story is complete, and the personal quest is mostly done. I am currently working on writing the commentary for all the vanilla quests and DLC, while someone else in the team is working on building him in the creation kit, and someone else is working on making a look for him. I still believe he is going to be quite a ways out before being ready for release, but it's exciting to be involved with such a neat project, nonetheless. I will likely be designing a home for him as well.